


Pictures with Santa

by AtoTheBean



Series: A Bleary, Hopeful Universe [2]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2798621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtoTheBean/pseuds/AtoTheBean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach decides it would be a great idea to get a picture of Nathan with Santa Claus. Nathan is not on board with this plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zilia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zilia/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Zilia!! (It's still your birthday in my timezone).
> 
> This is my first attempt at the 5+1 genre, AND my first attempt at present tense... which was hysterical, because I kept slipping out of it and into my usual past tense... sorry if any are still in there.
> 
> This is a side story for my longer "A Bleary, Hopeful Shade of Blue" So if anyone is confused about who Nathan is, that will explain it (and yes, I AM still working on that, and am nearly ready to post another chapter).
> 
> Thanks to JunoMagic for betaing on short notice.

1.

The first time it happens, it’s completely by accident.

They are walking down Silver Lake Blvd. drinking coffee and Christmas shopping, and they pass one of those Salvation Army Santas ringing a bell and asking for change.  And Zach hates the Salvation Army with the heat of a thousand suns, because they are actively and vocally anti-gay and real snobs about it.  But Nathan is enamored with the silver bell, so much so that he is flailing his legs and bouncing in the carrier strapped to Zach’s chest and making his mouth into a little “o” and squealing with joy.  And in the face of a happy baby, the mightiest of activists will toss their righteous indignation aside and bend their ethics into animal-named yoga poses.  Besides, this particular Santa makes it clear that this is just a gig, and he does not espouse the dogma of the organization, and he (wisely) thinks Nathan is the most beautiful child in the world and lucky to have two great dads.  The wink he gives them makes Chris think he might be on their team.

So that’s how Nathan’s first picture with Santa comes to be taken on Chris’ phone, with Zach arm-in-arm with a Salvation Army Santa who is holding up a silver bell for Nathan’s inspection. And Chris loves it, for the irony if nothing else.  But there are pedestrians in the background and Santa might be a little drunk and Nathan’s face is partially obscured by the Baby Bjorn carrier.  It is not, technically speaking, a good picture.

Zach looks at it after slipping Santa a $20 and telling him that it should by no means end up in the little red cauldron.  He shakes his head at it, and that’s when it happens.  That’s when Zach decides that what his mom and Chris’ mom will want most in the world for Christmas is a picture of Nathan with Santa.

And that is when Chris’ holiday goes all to hell.

 

2.

The second time, they take the traditional route.

“Anyone who says Christmas is about ‘Peace on Earth’ and ‘Goodwill to Men’ has obviously never waited for Santa at the Glendale Galleria Mall,” Chris grumbles.  

Zach nods in a way that to anyone else might look sage.  But Chris knows that aloof attitude means that Zach’s Zen is also hanging by a thread.  They are both barely holding it together, which is hysterical, because Nathan is in his stroller, watching the world go by like it’s his own private cartoon, mentally as Zen as a baby can get.  

He is wearing a wee little suit, which Chris is emphatically opposed to, both morally and stylistically.  Suits are supposed to be sexy, and babies aren’t.  So there’s that.  But also, suits look best on men with broad shoulders and narrow waists and muscular asses — like Zach.  And this is basically the opposite of Nathan’s physique.  Nathan has a sweater physique.  And the tie looks ridiculous under his chubby cheeks.  But Zach was apparently wearing a suit in his first picture with Santa, so they have to dress Nathan like this so the two pictures will look right next to each other on Margo’s piano.

By the time they get to the front of the line, Chris and Zach are finally relaxing due to the light at the end of the tunnel, and Nathan is finally getting fidgety.  Zach takes him out of the stroller so he can see Santa in the distance.  Zach points out the elves and the candy cane forest and tries to make Nathan see these things as magical instead of strange and frightening.  But Nathan is clearly onto them.  He’s starting to look around suspiciously.  The more Zach’s voice goes into sing-song overdrive, the more worried Nathan looks.  And it would be fucking hysterical if it were someone else’s kid, but Chris actually sympathizes with Nathan.  Because that candy cane forest looks dark and full of terrors.

And it turns out, Nathan is very alarmed by the color red.  And he doesn’t trust a fat man who hides behind a white beard any farther than he can throw him.  And babies?  Not known for their upper body strength.  Chris gets a few pics of Nathan eyeing Santa warily, then tearing up and leaning away, and finally bawling and crying, “Ba Ba Ba" over and over.  As they surrender sans professional photo with their screaming baby — whose face is now as red as Santa’s suit — Chris asks, “Have you ever seen 'A Christmas Story'?”

Zach gives him a dangerous look.

“I was just thinking, we could really use that [ slide ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp-BN9skTP0) to get the hell out of here right now.”

 

3.

The third time… is not a charm.

Chris talks Zach into a reindeer sweater, and Nathan looks _adorable._

And he really, _really_ hates it.

Like, with a passion.

And, he might have an allergy to wool.  Because those bumps on his neck are new.

They never even make it to the front of the line.  Nathan’s crying before he even sees Santa.

 

4.

“This is going to be better.  It’s the recycled air in those malls… it makes everyone crazy.  Plus, no candy cane forest.”

“It was really creepy.”

They are standing in a line in an outdoor mall which is way more low-key than the first mall they tried.     But it’s like 70 degrees out and everyone’s in t-shirts and sunglasses — or actual hula gear and bathing suits, because this is LA.  And the line is still a mile long.  

An hour later, they’re still waiting, but they’re having fun.

“'[Santaland Diaries](http://www.npr.org/2011/12/23/144136439/david-sedaris-reads-from-his-santaland-diaries)’ is the quintessential modern classic Christmas story.  It’s like the gay ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’.”

“Shut up,” Zach says, laughing.  “‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ is full of humanity and the importance of a single life.  ‘Santaland Diaries’ is about a horrible job experience and—”

“Is full of side-splitting humor, ‘keeping spirits bright’.”

Zach shakes his head.  “It does give new meaning to ‘Now we don our gay apparel’.”

“That’s all I’m saying.”

By the time they get to Santa, Nathan is asleep.  The hippie elf running the photos insists that Zach and Chris be in the picture, too, holding Nathan next to a sunburned Santa.

They face straight into the sun, squinting because Zach won’t let them wear sunglasses.  When they get the photo, Nathan’s eyes are closed, theirs are mere slits, and grimaces adorn all their faces.  And they are over-exposed.  It’s like a zombie family Christmas.  Zach throws the photo out on the way back to the car, and Chris lets him.  As much as he's in favor of collecting embarrassing photos of Nathan for later blackmail potential, this one could just as easily be used against them.  But then he goes back and pulls the envelope out of the trash.  Because it's still Nathan not screaming at Santa.  It might be the best picture they get.

 

5.

Over the next week they try three different malls, each a worst disaster than the one before.  Chris now has pictures of Nathan crying with four different Santas, two elves, and a partridge in a pear tree.  None of them are suitable for framing.  They'd tried going right after a nap, right after a meal, while holding a beloved toy, with Zach holding him, with Zach by the camera, both of them singing his favorite songs, and generally acting like idiots in hopes of getting a smile.  None of the usual stuff works.  Nathan sees through all of it.  

Chris even starts taking pictures of other people's crying babies, because it's getting ridiculous enough to merit a coffee table book.  Even if only for himself.

"You realize we're going to need to start a counseling fund as well as a college fund.  This is going to be worth years of therapy," Chris says as he shuffles the photos on the table with one hand and holds Nathan with the other.

"For him and me both," Zach says, still smarting over the fact that Nathan had blamed him, and for a while seemed to think Chris was the only safe parent.

"He'll forget your involvement and focus on the evil Sandy Claws."

Zach looks at him with some mingled look of hope and exasperation.  

"Anyway, we're done for now, and it will probably go better next year."

They are wearing matching "Bah Humbug" t-shirts, and sitting next to the tree, which Nathan loves.  He reaches for the lights ("No, Nathan.  Hot.") and the red and silver baubles, but especially for the silver jingle bells.  He has the ribbon for one in his tiny fist now, delighting in the sound it makes as he flails his hand. He looks  at Zach with an expression that clearly says, "Did you hear that?  Is that not the coolest thing EVER?"

So now Zach is on the floor with him, on top of a green blanket, and Nathan has apparently decided that all is forgiven as long as Zach keeps laughing at his silver bell.  And actually Nathan seems to like everything about Christmas except the bearded man himself.  Chris figures that just shows good sense.  He's on the floor now, too, with a camera getting great shots of Zach and Nathan with the colorful tree lights in the background and the silver bell between them.  And all seems right with the world when the doorbell rings.

 

+1

It's Joe, wearing bright red velvet pants and a Grinch t-shirt, carrying a camera bag and a very large sack that seems to have the rest of a Santa suit in it.

"Dude, I don't know.  We just got him over the trauma of the last Santa visit," Chris says, letting him in.

"I won't push it, but let me try."

Nathan's face lights up when he sees his uncle.

"Hey, buddy!  What ya got there?"

Nathan jiggles his bell.

"That _is_ pretty awesome!" Joe says, setting up a small tripod and very fancy looking camera, lining up a shot centered on the tree and and then pocketing a remote.

"I brought something cool, too," he says, sliding over and pulling just the fleece-covered cuff out of the bag.  "Look!  Soft."  

Nathan eyes it suspiciously, but after a moment of coaxing is in full interactive mode, touching the things that Joe touches and smiling at his response.  It's just like bedtime with the "Pat the Bunny" book, and Chris can hear the shutter going as Joe remotely takes picture after picture.  Chris settles next to Zach, who is grinning like crazy at his brother.  The pictures, he knows, are capturing all four of them.

Inch by inch, the costume is drawn out of the bag — something to be explored.  And before long Joe is wearing the coat and playing peekaboo with the hat, which also has a bell, much to Nathan's delight.  And then the hat is on his head and the beard is out being pet like a cat.  And then it's peekaboo with the beard, Joe putting it on with a "ho ho ho" and pulling it off with a "boo", and Nathan giggling so hard Zach has to keep him upright.  And truth be told, Nathan is not the only one laughing.  Chris' cheeks hurt from smiling so hard, and Zach has to keep wiping his eyes.  And then the camera makes a jingle sound and they all look forward just as the shutter clicks.  

Later they discover that it is a perfect portrait —  suitable to be framed on the piano.  But it's not Chris' favorite.  Chris can't pick a favorite, he loves the whole series so much.  So he makes a digital photo book of the whole journey from Salvation Army to piano-ready portrait (including the zombie family Christmas).  He has copies printed for everyone in the family and entitles it "How Nathan Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Claus."


	2. Next year...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This +2 didn't make the original story, but I post it now as a little epilogue... As everyone is taking down decorations and thinking about work next week, I hope this will bring a smile.

+2

The following year they take Joe's lesson to heart.  They buy Santa beards and hats after Halloween and get Nathan used to them, mostly by playing peek-a-boo.  They wear the beards and say "ho ho ho!"  And when Nathan starts to pull the beards down, they cry "boo" and tickle him, sending him into fits of giggles.  It becomes Nathan’s favorite game.

And it works.  They go to the mall again and Nathan isn't afraid of the candy cane forest or the elves.  He sits on Santa's lap with a small expectant smile.  

Then he reaches up and pulls off Santa’s beard. When he sees who's behind it, his face screws up in horror (as does Santa’s), and he starts to cry.  Along with every kid in line.

Just in time for the shutter to click.


End file.
